Sunday: I am backing up to last Sunday because I did not do a crazy train list last week. Sunday Son3 was sitting in with a jazz band playing at a Sunday brunch at a local watering hole. He got the call sometime late Sunday morning so we decided to run down after church, eat and listen to them for a bit. We asked Mom at the last minute and she wanted to go, so we dropped by her house to pick her up. When we pulled into the driveway we saw A LADDER AND HER BIG LOPPING SHEARS next to a small tree by her driveway. (She had forgotten she left the ladder out and got caught)
She had mentioned Saturday she wanted the tree trimmed and I guess I just did not get to it in time to suit her. She was angry and felt like we ganged up on her, because every one of us fussed at her. for getting on the ladder to begin with, forget about the fact that she was leaning over it to trim the tree. My Beloved Sister called her after I relayed it to her and told Mom if she falls from a ladder and breaks her hip she will be going to a nursing home, no ifs, ands or buts.
Monday and Tuesday: Uneventful days
Wednesday: After taking Mom to the dr. we were driving home and she asked me couple of random things then ended with what she really wanted answered.
Mom: Are you going to Aldi today. (Cleverly concealed code meaning I want you to take me to Aldi)
Me: I hadn't planned on it but I can go right now.
Mom: Well I don't want to you to go just to take me, but I am out of cereal and won't
have anything for breakfast tomorrow.
Me: We are already out, we might as well go on.
(I turned on to the interstate which is the quickest route because I don't hit about 15 traffic lights I would run into if I drove the other way)
Mom: Why are you going this way. I never drive this way. We should go the other way.
Me: It's a little quicker, plus you don't ever drive on the interstates anymore, remember?
Mom: I used to, but even when I drove on them I didn't come this way to Aldi.
Me: That's because Aldi wasn't here when you used to drive the interstates.
Mom flipped me off.
Later in the day I went to her house taking care of some business. I told her I had to meet the bug man the next afternoon and asked if she wanted to ride to the lake at about 2 with me. She said she would like that. About 10 minutes later her phone rang and a friend asked her if she would like to go with him to visit another mutual friend (who has moved to a care facility) Thursday afternoon. Mom immediately said "Sure, I have no plans for tomorrow"
I started mentally singing "Chopped Liver".
Thursday: Got a call a little before 9 a.m.
Mom: I need you
Me: Do I need to call the paramedics and meet them there? (My new first response to her "I need you" calls)
Mom: No my stove won't work.
Me: Will your stove not work or is it your stove clock? (We have danced this dance before)
Mom: No! It's where the stove says 1 o'clock.
Me: (realizing there is no emergency) I will be down later to check on it
Friday: Phone call from Mom in the afternoon before Son2 and Girlfriend 2 were taking her out to eat.
Mom: Guess where I am going?
Me: (Yes, I know but I might as well let her "surprise me) Where?
Mom: I am going out to eat with Son3
Me: No Mom, Son3 is back in New York, you are going out with Son2.
Mom: Oh yeah, and That Girl too!
So now we are all calling Girlfriend2 "That Girl". I am so happy she has a sense of humor and can laugh with us at the crazy.
Saturday: Nothing more than the usual phone calls (Yes, calls! I probably talk to her an average of 5 times a day) mostly her telling me how terrible her day was. Then I got a call from My Beloved Sister telling me when she stopped by Mom's she was outside cutting down another small tree. (She has a yard man every week and could get him to do this, but whenever she decides she wants something done, by crackie, she means right that minute and John woudn't come until Monday or Tuesday) Have you ever heard the soundtrack from Fiddler on the Roof? Years ago My Beloved Sister and I rewrote the words to the song Tradition. Our version begins: Relentless, Relentless....
MBS: (wearing nice clothes ) I will come by tomorrow morning and do this for you.
Mom: No I'll just get the guy to do it when he comes to do my lawn. !?!?!?!?!?
Sunday: Mom was eating dinner with all of us when I noticed huge bruises on her forearms. I thought she has possibly hit them on her door frame when she was walking from one room to another.
Me: Mom how did you get those bruises?
Mom: When I was trimming the tree between my house and the B's again today some of the cut branches poked through my skin me and bruised me.
THE ENTIRE TABLE: Crickets!!!!!
So much for letting the yard guy do it, huh?
Monday: I have a tendency to get my days and nights mixed up and I am in a terrible sleep pattern right now. I am still awake at 4 in the morning yet I still wake for the day by 7. Monday morning I had to be nowhere and was mentally giving myself permission to sleep in since I had finally gotten to sleep at about 4:30. At 8:30 the phone rang, a call from Mom.
Mom: We have problems
Me: What problems? (groggy)
Mom: A branch fell from the tree you have got to call them and get them out here today. (We are still on a list to get the tree removed but every weekend lately we have had new storms and trees are falling everywhere. Mom does not seem to understand that trees on houses are removed before trees in yards)
Me: OK (still groggy)
Mom: Were you asleep?
Me: I'm not now
Mom: Well take care of this right quick
Me: (Mentally begin singing Relentless again) Sure Mom, just let me go to the bathroom first.
Call 2 approximately 3 minutes later
Mom: What did they say?
Me: Their answering service answered, I left a call back number.
Call 3 approximately 3o minutes later
Mom: Did you hear anything yet? You need to come look at this!
Me: No and I left my landline number so I can't leave to come look at the branch. About how big is it so I can tell them?
Mom: I am not good at eyeballing. It goes to the porch
Me: (silently) What?
(aloud) Is it under 6 feet long? (mentally singing): "Let's start at the very beginning. . . "
Mom: One section is but it is in 4 sections.
Me: OK what is the total, just guess
Mom: One is bout 5 feet, another is about 4, the third is about 5 and the last one is about 3 feet long.
Me: (While doing mental tree mathematics) Was this one long limb or was it a shorter limb with branches off of it?
Mom: (crickets) I don't know, and I don't know how to deal with these things. Why don't you run down here and look?
Me: Because I am waiting for the tree service to call back.
Call 4 approximately 1 hour later
Mom: I just got a call from the roof people. It scared me
Me: Do you mean the tree people?
Mom: No the roof people, they want to inspect the roof today.
Me: Mom, did you call anyone to come look at your roof?
Me: Then it is just some roofing company trying to drum up business.
Mom: Well, it scared me, but I told them they couldn't look at my roof.
Me: (Silently) Then why did you call me?