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Friday, May 27, 2022

Embarrassment X 5

I thought I would share a few moments from my life that were not exactly my best days. All of these are things that embarrassed me and all were pretty much self inflicted. Except for number 3 and that was totally out of my control.


1. My kindergarten Christmas program was a night time production complete with costumes, sets music and spotlights. The teacher cast each student and I was terribly disappointed to be a toy soldier. I really wanted to be an angel or a doll. Nope I got to be a stinking toy soldier. 
The night of the performance came and I was ready with age appropriate stage makeup and my costume. The soldiers were all in line waiting to go onstage when I had to go to the restroom. One of the helpers (not my teacher) would not let me go and told me to just hold it. She must not have been terribly familiar with 5 year old bladders because after waiting an eternity to go one stage, and doing the "I gotta go " dance, holding it was no longer an option. We have a photo taken while we were on stage. All of the little drummer boys looks so cute, and then there is me with a tell tale wet leg. To this day I do not ever want to be on a stage and I intensely dislike the song "The Little Drummer Boy"

2.When I was in the first grade all girls had to wear dresses or skirts to school every day. Mom made all of my clothes and I went to school each day in a cute dress. Most of them were fitted to the waist, buttoned up in the back and had a sash that was tied in a bow. Though I did not wear a crinoline underneath it, I still wore a petticoat that fluffed the skirt out a little. 
As a kid I was a little bit of a tomboy and at recess I preferred to play tag or hide and go seek rather than playing jump rope. At least once a week during the game I would be running from whoever was it, when they would grab the skirt of my dress to "catch" me. Riiiiiiiip! The skirt would come apart from the bodice
and I would have to leave the playground to go to the office for a repair. I have no idea how many times during that year I finished the rest of the day with my dress held together by safety pins. It was the beginning of my lifetime as a fashionista__Not!
 
3. In the 4th grade my best friend's little brother had a birthday party on the local Bozo show.  She was too old to be on the show and I was there because my mother made me go with her, so she would not be the only older kid there. Sadly when I was in the 4th grade I was as tall as I am today, and even though we were the same age I was about 6 inches taller that her. As if that were not humiliating enough, Bozo picked me to be Butchie Boy. I had to march around the circus tent waving a stupid flag. Until that moment I had no idea Bozo was a sadist!
My only consolation was that the show was aimed at a very young audience and none of my school friends would see me. Except the next day in class the guy who sat next to me leaned over and said "Hey Butchie". Wouldn't you know he would have to have 2 younger sisters who watched it every day and that particular day he saw the opening march. If I could have disappeared into a crack in the floor I would have.

4. I was a good student in high school but sometimes I just would not do assigned reading on time, particularly if it was a book I was not interested in. One of my English teachers had particular sets of chapters to be read each week. My theory was why read it in sections when I could just read the entire book the weekend before the test. I read fast even as a teen and I would much rather cram read, especially if I did not like it. This particular book "Lord Jim" did not inspire any advance reading, and one day in class when the book should have been read, we had a pop test on the assigned chapters. Crap! Not only had I not read all the chapters I had not even bought the book, so my chances of bluffing were severely limited, especially since there was only one question__Describe the incident at Bangkok.
Where to begin? I spun a lovely incident report about an orderly running  down a pier with a man in a wheelchair, whom  he then dumped into the sea. The man was fished out of the drink by Thai sailors and he paid them handsomely (I remember using that word specifically __like that would help) to track down the orderly and bring him to justice. Lots of shenanigans  including 2 floozies and a mime on stilts happened before they caught the orderly finally bringing him before the now soaking wet man in the wheelchair. (In my invented novel the chapter ended there and justice was found in the next chapter)
The next day the teacher declared she had something to share with the class, and read what I had written. She was filled with praise for it and I was grinning from ear to ear, possibly even beaming thinking I had pulled a rabbit out of a hat.
Then she looked at me with a dead pan face asking what really good story telling would get you on a pop test. She held up the paper so everyone could see the grade_A Big Fat Red Zero! Not only did I flunk the quiz about as badly as one can flunk anything, but I got a big lesson in humility.


5. I am not by nature a very graceful person. I always have a bruise on my shoulder where I have run into something, and have been known to stumble over absolutely nothing. But usually, I manage to correct myself and do not fall.
Several years ago we were walking through the church parking lot after the service was over. I had on a new pair of shoes, and the pavement was slightly damp. A wet surface, new shoes, and my usual graceful walk was a recipe for disaster. Somehow or another, mid step, I managed to start to fall and for about 10 feet I was doing the windmill arm thing while trying to regain my balance. It proved to be an effort in futility and I proceeded to fall face first, sliding another 5 or so feet before stopping. One of our friends was in front of me and saw the entire thing, probably because I almost slid into him. 
To this day he occasionally reminds me of it, and of course I laugh at his first reaction. 
He squatted down a bit, put his hands together chest high with his elbows out, swung both arms straight out to the side and yelled "Safe". 
And you might ask what TheHub and sons who were walking with me did. Nothing__ after they saw I was not hurt they were too busy laughing their heads off to help.
My mother should have named me Grace.



34 comments:

  1. Number 5--Anne, it hurts lots more to fall when older and heavier. I have always stumbled around and fallen. But, now it is agony, not just embarrassment. Well, I no longer fall in front of people, just alone. It is still humiliating in private.
    Number 2--All my dresses were made by my mother and had the bodice and gathered waist, too. Plus there was always buttons down the back and a bow. However, no one ever caught me by the skirt and tore it off the bodice. But, I remember those dresses well, some of the prettiest dress ever.

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    1. When we were young, Mom made us what she wanted us to have, not necessarily what was stylish. As you can see from number 2 I was born for separates.

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    2. LOL...born for separates. Those dresses were stylish when my mother made them, but you are much younger, so maybe they had passed.

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    3. I am younger but not that much younger. Styles were changing, but not my mother's taste in clothes

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  2. Maybe Grace is your middle name, like me. snort

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    1. Anne is my middle name but it should have been Grace.

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  3. It's interesting how some moments really stay with you, isn't it? I'm less likely to remember those embarrassing moments, but way more likely to remember something "shameful" or bad I've done, or a mistake I've made. I relive those moments, but less likely to give thought to the ones that were largely out of my control. (Someone stepped on my skirt going up the stairs in high school, and it came off.... I was 16, and in my underwear during the break between classes. In high school. It was a moment.)

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    1. Oh I remember those I needed /need to atone for and beat myself up for a lot of years. The embarrassing ones have zero emotion attached to them.

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  4. You know, while I'm sure she did need to take you down a little, I think what your English did is perfectly horrible, and cruel. I also find nothing funny about your kindergarten experience either. Actually, I find nothing funny at all about others' embarrassment, least of all when they slip, or worse, fall. About 10 years ago I witnessed something which still bothers me to this day. At a school event, an adult was walking up to the top of the bleachers. (We were required to sit with our kids' classes, and the older the grade, the further up the bleachers.) As she passed the second grade teacher, this parent tripped badly, but fortunately did not fall At that, a second grade teacher said to her, in front of her students, "Have a nice trip?" which made them giggle. The parent turned red, gave the teacher a dirty look, and proceeded on her way up the bleachers. I was stunned, and when I could finally talk, I said to the teacher, and loudly enough for her ENTIRE class to hear, "Mrs. XXXX, that was very rude. The appropriate thing to do is ask if she is o.k., not make her feel worse than she does. You ought to be ashamed." For what it's worth, I'm still not proud of doing that in front of her class, because it really took the wind out of her sails, but honestly, who models behavior like that to their students?

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    1. I was one of her favorites and I am sure she did it more for the others in the class. At least no one could accuse her of playing favorites, and I did absolutely deserve that zero.

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    2. Teachers need to learn not to get laughs at the expense of students!

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    3. At the expense of anybody, for that matter. And I am galled by adults who seem to think tripping and/or falling is funny. Haha, you tripped. Hahah, you feel, that's REALLY funny, and now you can't get up...hahahaha, even funnier. Toss in a broken leg, or a brain injury, and, dammit it, I'm really slayed.

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    4. In our family if you are not hurt all bets are off!

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  5. Memories of those embarrassing moments never leave do they? Never, ever.

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    1. Never, but they do become humorous after time has passed.

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  6. I am sorry but I have to go change me panties....Grace

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  7. What painful memories!
    best… mae at maefood.blogspot.com

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    1. There is no pain attached to any of them. Embarrassing beyond belief at the time but soon after they were over the embarrassment was gone.

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  8. Your 'toy soldier' experience makes me grit my teeth, only on account the same thing happened to me in my 5th grade classroom -- only it was a #2. I try to find humor in some of the stupid things I've done, but that one remains.

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    1. I figure a 5 year old wetting her pants on stage is not an unheard of issue. I just don't understand anyone not letting a kid who was dancing, go!

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  9. I'm a pea in your pod. I regularly embaras myself. Poor 5 year old Ann though.

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    1. I survived wetting myself on stage. At least I was not one of the angels who had a screaming meltdown.

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  10. Ugh! I have a story of embarrassment at second grade too and it haunted me for years and years till I realized it was so not worth torturing myself over. I was over 30 I think when I came to that realization. Later than never ey?

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    1. Yes better later than never. I had many other embarrassing incidents but they were much less public.

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  11. That was really cruel of that person to tell a child to "hold it"! I, too, had certain things happen to me when I was a child that I think about, still, and cringe. Sigh.

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    1. Fortunately my parents were not upset about it at all and actually pretended like nothing had happened. They just told me what a good toy soldier I was. After I was home all embarrassment was gone.

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  12. We all have stories that remember how embarrassed we felt. Thanks for sharing some of yours.

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  13. Oh poor you on that fall - but it is kinda a natural reaction to laugh when someone does a pratfall isn't it. I remember my mom tripping over the kerb and diving headfirst into a shop doorway and my dad looked at me and said "it would have been a goal if your mother hadn't been there"! Poor mom. That being said, I do think your made-up story was inspired - maybe not by the actual book, but inspired nonetheless!

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    1. Here as long as no one is hurt, my family will laugh. No one takes offense to it!

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  14. ((Hugs)) I've read the first two so far. I'll be back to read more.

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  15. Oh my on the Bozo show.So sorry you had to do that. I used to watch it everyday. You were very brave in fabricating that story. I can't believe she did that to you in front of the class. I'm so glad you were not hurt. Obviously he knew that and it was rather funny the he said "out!" Those are some great stories you shared.

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    1. The fall was in super slow motioned actually covered about 30 feet from beginning to end, but most of it was me trying to regain my balance. By the time I actually hit the pavement I was almost sliding.

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