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Thursday, November 17, 2016

And the Moral Is

Once upon a time there was a woman (who shall remain nameless) who could easily live in a less than perfect state of being.  Her home would pass an inspection by the Health Department (well most days anyway) and she ascribed to the old adage that a home should be clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be happy. Since she had tendencies to be obsessive about things it was probably a good thing for her family that cleaning has never been one of her obsessions.

 Life was pretty easy, she kept their clothes clean (most of the time), she kept the house tidy (most of the time) and she cooked them delicious food. (except for the days when she served so-so stuff or they went out to eat) Yes life was pretty easy, and then, one day, she decided to make a complete list of everything that needed to be done before company would be there.

In the hands of normal people a list might just be a handy tool or a guide to stay on task, but when you a list like this in front of one of those "other kinds" of people, something as simple as cleaning out a powder room vanity cabinet takes on epic proportions and no longer will cleaning the cabinet do.  It then needs a new coat of paint and the rug in the powder room needs to be cleaned and while getting the steam cleaner to clean the run in the powder room, the upstairs closet has to be completely torn apart and put back together, but not before finding a picture one of the kids drew when they were in elementary school, which has to be framed, but who can frame kid artwork without first cutting a mat for it, then while looking for the exacto knife finding 2 tubes of watercolors that were out of place, which means cleaning all the art supplies and reconditioning the brushes before putting them back in the jar that holds them, but the jar had spots on it and needed to be cleaned....

Which brings me to her latest less than sane moment. After quick shining the hardwoods (and they do look lovely now) she decided the gourds she had dried a few years ago and still uses as autumn decorations looked "flat" against the fresh shine on the floors.  And because the world does not have enough idiots, she pulled out some medium gloss varnish ( I mean she wouldn't want to be garish) and painted it on the gourds which now have a lovely low luster and will be perfect on the foyer floor. Well almost perfect, she still has to run to Hobby Lobby and snag some fall colored plaid ribbon because she just decided they would look nicer in a big basket and a big basket requires a bow right?

And all of this chaos because of a stupid list!

Which brings me to the moral of this little tale.  Before the youngest graduates from college sell your home and move into a 1 bedroom condo.  That way when holidays are near and people come to visit you can put them up in a nearby hotel and eat in restaurants and everyone stays sane!

26 comments:

  1. Queue hysterical (and sympathetic) laughter.
    Been there, done that. And mostly near enough is good enough on the cleaning front for me. Except when it isn't.
    And the list becomes a whip for my beleagured shoulders.

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    1. What I didn't mention in the post was that I was typing with one hand while I was holding those blooming gourds by their little twisty vine tails waiting for them to dry.

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    2. It is frightening isn't it. You start a straight forward, simple job. And it grows. And grows...

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  2. Well Bless your heart......*snicker*

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    1. When you want to stay here give me a couple of months heads up so I can restart my new obsession.

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  3. You gave the mouse a cookie? Really a cookie?

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    1. I almost titled then "when you give a mouse a cookie" Hahahahahahaha

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  4. That was awesome and I can totally relate to all of it!

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    1. I am always easily distracted and flit from one thing to another but this has crossed the line into some weird obsession, and I am NOT a clean freak at all. At least I wasn't.

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  5. That's funny, Anne! My philosophy was make the house look nice the first time guests see it and then after, who cares LOL? Now my daughter who lives locally or sis who is just 20 miles away hosts the family gatherings. They do like me to have Christmas Eve ever church since I cook 2 prime ribs LOL and give them the leftovers. Have a great Thanksgiving! My Prius and I will be in Myrtle Beach.

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    1. You have a wonderful Thanksgiving also, Nan!

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  6. I hope you get over whatever has bitten you! Once upon a time, I was a ferocious cleaner. Then, I learned to shove things in the closet until later. My mother would clean so much that she would spend the week we visited in bed. I was so sad when after about ten years, I found this out. Stop it. They love you.

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  7. That is awesome! Been there, usually before we host a birthday party for the kids or something like that. I had to laugh because my sister is bringing home her roommate from college for Thanksgiving and she told my parents this last week. Well my mom wanted to get the office repainted before then to turn it into a guest room, well that turned into having EVERY room in the house repainted, which made the carpets look bad so the whole house had to be carpet cleaned and now the deck has to be fixed up, etc. Glad we are not the only ones. I am also glad that she hosts Thanksgiving and Christmas so I don't have to worry about deep cleaning my house, although I have been slowly working on it anyways.

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    1. Oh I am so glad I am not the only one either. Now I am putting the finishing touches on things and have decided I absolutely have to have a bowl of pomegranates on the buffet in the dining room, which will require more ribbon to tie around the bowl, and I am thinking it needs some greenery which I can easily find but maybe I should trim the hedges while I'm getting some. . . and one and one to infinity and beyond?

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  8. You are hilarious. My husband is full tilt like you, me not so much. My house is relatively clean...unless you look in a drawer or closet. I am one of those - toss everything in and shut it kind of people. Stay sane, just a few more days!

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    1. I am actually in the put things back together phase now, except for the blasted music room and it looks like the fallout of a room has been sprayed with testosterone !

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    1. Just reassuring to hear I am not the only one!

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  10. hahahaha! loving this story!!
    I have only done this a few times in my life and the improvement made is always a net loss on the amount of cleaning up i created!

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  11. I'll be starting my cleaning on Sunday... Or Wednesday night.

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    1. I vote Wednesday! I had a friend who had her house on the market when she still had young kids. She had a laundry basket with a big black garden trash bag in every other room. When the agents would call to show the house everyone picked up whatever was laying out or on the floor and stuffed it in the nearest trash bag. After a quick run through they shoved the bags (sans baskets) into the trunk, stacked the baskets in the laundry room and were out the door. I should have done that!

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  12. This is the reason why I hesitate to start cleaning! I am preparing for an event that is 2 weeks away, and I keep finding more and more things I "need" to do! Hope you'll get through your list! If not, shove the list in a drawer and forget it is there! I'm sure your house will look lovely.

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    1. The house was not perfect but it did look really nice. Now we are beginning our third day with a 3 year old and well, let's just say she is enjoying everything. I love it! Now I am going to do a quick run through for the ones arriving in the morning!

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