Don't Do This For Christmas Unless You Start Really Early

Most years I create our Christmas card, usually it has a funny photo or caption, and can be made at one of those "1 hour turns your photo into a card" places, or it might be hand drawn.  It really is just serendipitous, based entirely on whatever unusual has happened to us on any given year.

 For example one year we were staying at a Hotel in Portland and a NBA team was staying at the same hotel.  We were going to our room when who should appear in the lobby but Saquille O'Neal.  Our youngest son was young enough to be completely starstruck and asked if he could get a picture with him.  He was gracious enough to allow it, so I knew I would somehow incorporate it into our Christmas card.  It ended up as a dilapidated house with a front door that opened to the picture.  Inside the door it said "From our Shaq to yours, Merry Christmas"  I generally try to have a little word play going with whatever picture I use.

This year nothing was gelling.  We had not seen or done anything spectacular except for becoming grandparents.  I would love to have had a picture of the grand baby on ours, but that is for her parents card, not mine.  The season was getting closer and closer and I had received a bunch of cards, but had sent none.  Finally in mid-December I sat and wrote a little verse.  After a bit of tweaking I had something that I thought was pretty reflective of our current states of minds.  Since everyone I sent this to should have received it by now, I am sharing the utter act of desperation with you.  If you are reading this and have not gotten one, I blame the post office!

First of all this was taken on the fly, right as I was about to stuff the last card of Christmas into it's envelope.  I was not wearing my glasses and thought it was focused.  I was wrong!  I am supplying text in case you are unable to see the verse.

Twas the twelfth of December
and all through the house,
"There is no sign of Christmas"
we started to grouse.
Those boxes and baubles
 were still in the vault.
We had no one to blame
it was clearly our fault.
When out on the street
we heard a great racket.
It was our favorite postman
transporting a packet.
"Oh no!" we exclaimed
as he passed by our yard
"In the midst of this chaos
we haven't done cards."
We sat down to think
and put our thoughts to paper.
If we pulled this one off
it would be our best caper.
We wrote and erased
some words better, some worse
And managed to scratch out
this lame little verse.
Our vast lack of talent
creating this card,
is offset by sincerest
Christmas regards.

(printed on the inside of the card)

In closing we wish you and yours
mirth and cheer

For Christmas,

For New Year's,

and

All Through The Year!

And let's recap why this is a very bad idea to begin this project Dec 12.

Steps:

 1. Write verse. (Pat self on back for such an easy idea)

 2. Go  to Office Depot to buy papers and envelopes.

 3. Stand in line for 15 minutes waiting to have them printed at Office Depot.

 4. Give up and run by Pete's Printing instead

 5. Leave Pete's Printing because they will not be finished for 5 days (insert off colored car language)    

 6.  Go to Kwik Kopy (Bless them) and have them printed while waiting.

 7. Run by Joanne's and buy 6 feet of very thin red satin ribbon

 8. Go home, stick a load of laundry in the wash, fold green card stock in half

 9. Realize too late you only had the ivory paper cut in half rather than the size you actually needed

10. Grab scissors, ruler and cardboard for template

11. Turn on Christmas music

12. Trace template on the back of every bloomin card

13. Cut and cut and cut and cut a little longer

14. Find small hole punch and begin punching holes in top sheet and front of green card.

15.  Realize the first five cards you punched are upside down.

16. Decide after doing 10, it might be a good idea to tie as you go.

17.  Realize quickly you bought way to little ribbon ( 6 inches per card? Who knew)

18. Find a spool of red and white kitchen twine, untie the ones already tied and re-tie so they all match

19.  Address the envelopes

20.  Look back at the card and think it is too plain.  Draw holly and berries with water colors on each.

21.  Decide you don't like the way the holly looks, get out pen, nib, and ink and detail it

22. Personalize and sign each card and put it in the envelope.

23. Realize you are five short ( remember the one's punched wrong?)

24.  Run back to Kwik Kopy and beg them to sell 5 sheets of ANY GREEN paper

25.  Have insides of the kelly green (looks like St. Paddy's day green) printed.

26. Go home and finish the additional cards.

27.  Go to the post office and buy stamps ( No Christmas stamps so flags it is)

28.  Stand in the post office outer lobby and affix stamps to 80 envelopes (?????)

29.  Stop at grocery store next door to post office and make 2 purchases

30.  Drive home, open bag, open bottle, pour wine and eat chocolate

I am going shopping the day after Christmas and buying cards for next year, nice beautiful cards
that I don't have to do anything to but address and sign!  Or maybe I will start this process in October!

Merry Christmas to all of you and a joyous New Year!

Anne