As I have said on previous Mondays, in order to keep my mind set in a good place, I end each day thinking about the best thing or things that happened that day. For me it is so much better to dwell on life's positives instead of wallowing in aggravation, despair, angst, self pity (name your poison here) , yadda, yadda, yadda. This does not mean every day is perfect. In fact, most of my days are far from perfect, but I am choosing to revel in those moments that create a sense of calm, excitement, or wonder.
Monday: Got to spend the entire day at home alone. Occasionally I love a day like this to recharge my batteries, and get things organized without interrupted time.
Tuesday: The mornings are glorious now, the pollen is all but gone, and I was able to have a couple of cups of coffee on the deck just listening to the birds.
Wednesday: TheHub had a dinner meeting so I grabbed a chicken meal from Bojangles, ate in front of the TV and caught up on several shows I had DVR'd. I love being able to watch an hour long show by zipping through and taking only about 15 minutes to follow the plot line. (And yes, I understand I am missing some of the intricacies of the story but I am not deeply enough invested to care abut anything but the major story line. I will never do to a show I really like. Can you say "Game of Thrones")
Thursday: Morning coffee on the deck with birds singing was really nice but the best thing about the day was Son2. He has been working at Mom's house in my dad's old workshop making these really cool vases for the participants at Independence Place to give their Moms on Mother's Day. He and his gal pal hung around a little after and ate dinner with Mom which met her social needs, plus she eats much better when someone else is there. And can you guess what happens when she eats food? She actually feels better and has more energy. Imagine that! So special thanks to you two. You made my night so much easier.
Friday: Got the car cleaned out, loaded Mom's lawnmower in the car (It is in her way since she has never cut the lawn in her life and started using a lawn service after Dad's death. But everything is in her way now and everything must be taken care of. Right. This. Minute. After taking care of the intrusive lawnmower, we headed to the lake place. We got there is enough time to wash the pollen off the porch so we could sit out there and enjoy the sunset. Nirvana!
Saturday: A/c at the lake place is on the fritz. Bummer and it was kind of hot, but we have a big screened porch plus one of those magnetic screens on the house door to the porch so we were able to leave the bugs outside, the door open and the fans on so the air at least moved. Late at night the storms came and the temps dropped quite a bit, enough that we actually had to sleep with a sheet and light cotton blanket covering us. Sleep perfection, breezy stormy night with occasional owl hoots.
Sunday: Home again, home again, jiggety jig. We had plans to be at church Sunday evening to pack food for a world hunger mission. In 2 hours about 150 volunteers packed, sealed and boxed 50,000 meals. The church will be doing this for a couple of more days so I will probably volunteer at least once more because I truly do believe it is a blessing to be a blessing.
And apparently when I called Mom and she didn't answer when we got home from the lake, dressed and went on our little service mission then went out to eat I caused her severe angst which impacted My Beloved Sister. It seems that by 3 pm Mom had decided I was in a wreck and dead on one of the little country roads between here and the lake. Don't ask me why. By 7 pm she wanted my sister to drive her to the closest emergency room we would pass driving home from the lake. My beloved sister had tried to call our cells which we had turned off during the meal packing (per request) and neither TheHub or I had turned our ringers back on when we were at the restaurant. By shortly after nine when I finally called her she was in near hysterics and it was all my fault. I would feel guilty but her crisis level was exactly the same when her refrigerator alarm beeped last week indicating her water filter needed to be changed, or when she got a piece of junk mail fishing for her to renew her car warranty.
Monday: Got to spend the entire day at home alone. Occasionally I love a day like this to recharge my batteries, and get things organized without interrupted time.
Tuesday: The mornings are glorious now, the pollen is all but gone, and I was able to have a couple of cups of coffee on the deck just listening to the birds.
Wednesday: TheHub had a dinner meeting so I grabbed a chicken meal from Bojangles, ate in front of the TV and caught up on several shows I had DVR'd. I love being able to watch an hour long show by zipping through and taking only about 15 minutes to follow the plot line. (And yes, I understand I am missing some of the intricacies of the story but I am not deeply enough invested to care abut anything but the major story line. I will never do to a show I really like. Can you say "Game of Thrones")Thursday: Morning coffee on the deck with birds singing was really nice but the best thing about the day was Son2. He has been working at Mom's house in my dad's old workshop making these really cool vases for the participants at Independence Place to give their Moms on Mother's Day. He and his gal pal hung around a little after and ate dinner with Mom which met her social needs, plus she eats much better when someone else is there. And can you guess what happens when she eats food? She actually feels better and has more energy. Imagine that! So special thanks to you two. You made my night so much easier.
Friday: Got the car cleaned out, loaded Mom's lawnmower in the car (It is in her way since she has never cut the lawn in her life and started using a lawn service after Dad's death. But everything is in her way now and everything must be taken care of. Right. This. Minute. After taking care of the intrusive lawnmower, we headed to the lake place. We got there is enough time to wash the pollen off the porch so we could sit out there and enjoy the sunset. Nirvana!
Saturday: A/c at the lake place is on the fritz. Bummer and it was kind of hot, but we have a big screened porch plus one of those magnetic screens on the house door to the porch so we were able to leave the bugs outside, the door open and the fans on so the air at least moved. Late at night the storms came and the temps dropped quite a bit, enough that we actually had to sleep with a sheet and light cotton blanket covering us. Sleep perfection, breezy stormy night with occasional owl hoots.
Sunday: Home again, home again, jiggety jig. We had plans to be at church Sunday evening to pack food for a world hunger mission. In 2 hours about 150 volunteers packed, sealed and boxed 50,000 meals. The church will be doing this for a couple of more days so I will probably volunteer at least once more because I truly do believe it is a blessing to be a blessing.
And apparently when I called Mom and she didn't answer when we got home from the lake, dressed and went on our little service mission then went out to eat I caused her severe angst which impacted My Beloved Sister. It seems that by 3 pm Mom had decided I was in a wreck and dead on one of the little country roads between here and the lake. Don't ask me why. By 7 pm she wanted my sister to drive her to the closest emergency room we would pass driving home from the lake. My beloved sister had tried to call our cells which we had turned off during the meal packing (per request) and neither TheHub or I had turned our ringers back on when we were at the restaurant. By shortly after nine when I finally called her she was in near hysterics and it was all my fault. I would feel guilty but her crisis level was exactly the same when her refrigerator alarm beeped last week indicating her water filter needed to be changed, or when she got a piece of junk mail fishing for her to renew her car warranty.
Definitely kind of your son to visit with your Mom based on her severe anxiety. Does she take medication? Your son is very talented. Tough to let your Mom's "stuff" roll off your back but it seems like you do take it in stride.
ReplyDeleteSon2 is one of the kindest men on the face of the earth. (Don't let hime know I said that though, it will harm my rep as a bitchy mom)
DeleteMom does take a mild medication. All my life she has anticipated and planned for the worst and it has increased exponentially as she has aged. Now without Dad, who was unflappable, to keep her grounded she is off the charts sometimes.
When I texted Greg this morning to ask if he had made it to the airport OK and he didn't reply immediately, I started imagining that he had had a crash, or had been taken in by Security and then all the (imagined) implications of such situations. I can't help it, I always imagine the worst. So I feel for your mom, even though I understand why you feel the way you do about her episodes. It's got to be very tough on all of you.
ReplyDeleteI love those bud vases! You son MADE those?! He's very talented!
When I watch a show and I'm not particularly into it, I'm know to get on IMDB and read the trivia about it and on Wikipedia to read the plot. Then I can say I know what the show is about and not bother actually watching it. I do watch GoT, though. Actually, we're about to start watching the latest season again in order to be ready for the new season that's starting in a few weeks. I wonder who will die this season. I'm hoping it's Daenarys, I can't stand her.
I see no reason to worry just for the sake of worrying. I fully understand that things can happen but I am not going to live life fearing the worst. Since Mom and I have such different outlooks it is very hard for me to become upset over whatever small things disrupts her life.
DeleteI like Daenny fine. Cersie is the one I really dislike but then she is the perfect character for everyone to love hating. The one I am really teed off with is GRR Martin. I read all the books and have been waiting, first patiently and now very impatiently for the next book. I have decided people who write continuing novels should not have them published until all are written, to save people like me from extreme aggravation
My philosophy has always been that if I worry about something in advance, then it won't happen. If it does happen, I was ready for it and if it doesn't happen, then it's a good surprise. Yes, it makes for a stressful life, but I can't help it my nature! Reading how it's hard for you to deal with this, especially since you no longer have your even-keel dad as a buffer, is eye-opening though. I need to remember the example of your mom as I grow older. Quite honestly, I'm hoping I'll be the first one to go, between Greg and me!
DeleteI'm so on board with you about GRR Martin. What is he doing giving TV interviews and going to conventions when he should be shackled to his desk and finishing the series?! I also read the whole series while we were watching the 1st season (two years after everyone as we don't have cable). It's infuriating! Now that the show's writers are in total control of the plot, though, I doubt he'll ever finish the series. Tyrion is my favorite character, I think. I just hope they give him more to do the rest of the series than he had last season.
I get like that when exbf does not answer the phone. However, my anxiety is based in fact. He did not answer his phone from Friday evening until I finally had a welfare check run on Sunday morning. He was unconscious from low blood sugar, slept in his chair, had tv and lights on and just remembers going to bathroom one time on Friday. Yes, he was dying. So, now he calls me if he is going to be a bit late. He just calls from the car before he leaves work so I won't panic. I had to convince the police I was not gf checking up or jealous the first time he had problem. The second time I had them do a welfare check, it took no convincing. Of course, my fear was based on two occurrences beforehand.
ReplyDeleteI will be the same old lady. Or, maybe I am already, lol.
DeleteI called his house every ten minutes and slept only three hours during the time from Friday about 6 pm until about 6 am Sunday morning. The second time, he would finally answer the phone and say something stupid. When I threatened to call the police, he would say the same stupid thing over and over. He does not do this, so the police had to come again. THAT is why I am anxious.
An assumption based on fact is fine, but conjecture just for the sake of conjecture is nothing short of ridiculous. I understand unexpected things can happen at any moment and things can take a bad twist in a moment, but worrying and always waiting for the other shoe to drop is counter productive. Today I have had 3 phone calls from Mom talking about how yesterday exhausted her.
DeleteOkay I should not be laughing, right? But sorry I am. It is just so nice to have someone else live the crazy too. Love the vases and love that your church is working for world hunger I think this so important. Mom needs something got to go....
ReplyDeleteYou absolutely should be laughing. It is what keeps us sane! My phone is ringing__must be Mom!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a worrier either and I do feel for those that are. It must be hell. That being said, since my brother lives in Wales, my sister in Denmark and me in France it did fall on my sister and brother in England to "jump" every time my parents got stressed. Not fair of course, but what can you say. The other side to that coin is that they always had babysitters on hand so I guess it's swings and roundabouts isn't it. I love your son's vases by the way - clever young man. Anna
ReplyDeleteI like the term swings and roundabouts. The thing I found upsetting about the whole issue Sunday was Mom bringing my sister into her self induced nightmare
DeleteSome people are just born with a brain chemistry that lends itself to anxiety. If they live their whole life never learning how to deal with this, it's hard. Then throw in an aging brain, and you've really got a problem. And this doesn't account for any environmental things which can also have a big influence.
ReplyDeleteEven if you understand that a person comes by it naturally, it's still hard to deal with. We watched as my mother became more and more anxious over the last few years. And just as soon as we thought we had solved her worry, she would move onto something else to worry about. After a while, even though it drove us crazy sometimes, we got used to that.
Interestingly, since she has moved into the nursing home, her anxiety is much better. In fact, she no longer takes medicine for it. I think as she and my father were aging and after my father died, she was very worried about what was going to happen to her. How she would be cared for. But those fears often came out in other ways. Once she was in the nursing home, the other shoe had dropped and she knew what was going to happen. She is getting good care and knows her needs are being met. She seems happier than she's been in a long time.
I wish you the strength you need to deal with the needs of your mother. Even when my mother seemed to be in good health, both physically and mentally, I tried to remind myself that her anxiety was a disease also. I know that may not be the proper words for a mental health issue, but it helped me when I thought of it that way.
Your entire response is so familiar and rings true. There is no way we can put out all the emergency fires before she creates a new one. Mom has always been difficult to deal with and life has always had only one way__hers. Now it has reached epic proportions and it is very hard for us to deal with. It is the give a mouse a cookie playbook.
DeleteI always enjoy your "bright spot " posts. In sympathy, all I can say is nobody can push our buttons like our mother.
ReplyDeleteI can take the push, but it does get tiring!
DeleteLOVE your son's work.
ReplyDeleteI am a worrier (cross my bridges before I am certain there is a river). But I keep my worries close to my chest.
Hooray for positives. They DO make the ugliness much easier to deal with. And in my case make me much easier to deal with.
I worry when there is a reason to worry, but never just because. Even if I am no one but me ever knows it. I think looking for the brighter things helps me focus on happy instead of angry or sad.
DeleteThe vases are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteMy mum is also anxious and I am mostly not so it makes for some agitation! My kids can't understand why I get so wound up. I want to say "one day you will understand" but that w ouldn't reflect too well on me, now, would it? :)
Thank you, I will let him know!
DeleteMy frustration is not that Mom has anxiety. That has always been part of her nature, but this has cranked to new and unexpected levels!
Your son's vases are lovely!
ReplyDeleteI am a worrier when it comes to my daughter. She has to check in with me, several times a day, otherwise I worry about her; did she wake up in time to catch the bus to get to work? Did she get home? One time when she had to attend a conference and was getting a ride there and back with another student, and I didn't hear from her at the time she thought she'd be home, and she didn't answer her phone because she had turned it off, I worried if she had been in an accident, etc., just like your mother did. I was just about ready to call the police, when she called me! She didn't understand until I got sick and then, it was her turn to worry about me! Now, I have to let her know when I leave the house, when I get to the office or the clinic, when I leave to come home and when I get home, etc. LOL.
I hope you continue to keep a sense of humor where your mother's unreasonableness is concerned and continue to focus on the positives each day has to offer. (((HUGS)))
I will continue to laugh (while beating my head against the wall0 especially since we have moved on to a totally new crisis today. The oak tree in her front yard shed too many acorns last fall and has to come down now and she has too much cash in her billfold. Every day I get to pick what the biggest worry on her ever changing list. might be and address it. I need to start writing them down just so I can look back for my own personal amusement since once the crisis is over I move on to the next one and forget about yesterday's angst.
ReplyDeleteForgive me if you covered this in the past, but has your mom been diagnosed with dementia? I've watched a lot of documentaries on Alzheimer's, dementia and the like, and I'm sad to say the patients commonly get into states of agitation like this. I mean, I understand getting upset because she was worried about you and you weren't answering the phone, but being upset because there are too many bills in her wallet, that's another kettle of fish.
Delete