I am so sorry for commenting on your blogs either very little of not at all lately. Life has taken some twists and turns and bumps and falls. Mom has fallen a few times lately and though nothing is broken she must be in extreme pain because she screams like a feral cat in heat every time we move her. Of course My Beloved Sister and I know she has a very low pain tolerance and has had it for as long as either of us can remember. Maybe we are not as sympathetic as we should be, but even when I was a child a sinus headache would send her over the edge and she would stay in bed all day. I know she is hurting but let no one ever say "she suffered in silence".
Anyway, she is requiring much care and is extremely delusional. (Notice I did not say bat $^!+ crazy) We had gone to 12 hours a day with her care, but realized last night we are going to need 24 hour care for her, at least until we make a decision for a longer term solution.
I stayed overnight and she has not been to sleep yet. Instead we had a series of dressing to go to her house (we were at her house) then undressing to get in the bed at the motel, nursing home, hospital, exact duplicate of her home, red building by the pipe fitters (WTH?), movie theater or "that building at the fairgrounds". (Feel free to take your pick of any of these locations since, evidently, we were at each place numerous times during the night through the morning.)
I am home now and My Beloved Sister is taking this shift. I will be going back after I sleep a little and then I have hired a caregiver for overnight. She is not available until 10pm, but anything is better than spending the entire night with no sleep once again. Her daytime caregiver says she is much calmer until we get there and then she is immediately worse. I noticed that last night when her brother called her. She was in the middle of a hallucination until Uncle Bob called. The minute she got on the phone with him she was completely lucid and responded to every thing she said rationally. The minute she hung up she started talking to me about the 2 little girls who were hiding behind her walker, and wanting to know about the loud music (there was none).
On a lighter note, she wanted to know if TheHub was worried about not being a part of the family anymore. It seems I have divorced him and left him for the yard man. (News to both of us and I am pretty sure Armando has no clue either) Then she said "If you're done with him (TheHub), I'm done with him too. But it was really nice of him to bring me a bbq for dinner. I am mad at you for leaving your children. That's not good. And why did you steal my furniture? If you want it just ask but don't steal it." (Said as I sat on her couch in her den at her house)
Anyway, I am reading your blogs via my phone between episodes and I am enjoying them but I am not in a position to respond. Life gets more and more interesting, but because of this I have told all three of my sons when it comes time to put me wherever is necessary and feel no guilt about it. And this is the difference between daughters and sons. All three just said (paraphrasing but the intent was virtually identical) "OK. I wan't planning on feeling guilty anyway"
Anyway, she is requiring much care and is extremely delusional. (Notice I did not say bat $^!+ crazy) We had gone to 12 hours a day with her care, but realized last night we are going to need 24 hour care for her, at least until we make a decision for a longer term solution.
I stayed overnight and she has not been to sleep yet. Instead we had a series of dressing to go to her house (we were at her house) then undressing to get in the bed at the motel, nursing home, hospital, exact duplicate of her home, red building by the pipe fitters (WTH?), movie theater or "that building at the fairgrounds". (Feel free to take your pick of any of these locations since, evidently, we were at each place numerous times during the night through the morning.)
I am home now and My Beloved Sister is taking this shift. I will be going back after I sleep a little and then I have hired a caregiver for overnight. She is not available until 10pm, but anything is better than spending the entire night with no sleep once again. Her daytime caregiver says she is much calmer until we get there and then she is immediately worse. I noticed that last night when her brother called her. She was in the middle of a hallucination until Uncle Bob called. The minute she got on the phone with him she was completely lucid and responded to every thing she said rationally. The minute she hung up she started talking to me about the 2 little girls who were hiding behind her walker, and wanting to know about the loud music (there was none).
On a lighter note, she wanted to know if TheHub was worried about not being a part of the family anymore. It seems I have divorced him and left him for the yard man. (News to both of us and I am pretty sure Armando has no clue either) Then she said "If you're done with him (TheHub), I'm done with him too. But it was really nice of him to bring me a bbq for dinner. I am mad at you for leaving your children. That's not good. And why did you steal my furniture? If you want it just ask but don't steal it." (Said as I sat on her couch in her den at her house)
Anyway, I am reading your blogs via my phone between episodes and I am enjoying them but I am not in a position to respond. Life gets more and more interesting, but because of this I have told all three of my sons when it comes time to put me wherever is necessary and feel no guilt about it. And this is the difference between daughters and sons. All three just said (paraphrasing but the intent was virtually identical) "OK. I wan't planning on feeling guilty anyway"
Wow, you are dealing with a boatload right now. Is there any way you can get her into a fulltime facility? Even if she doesn't wish to go maybe it's time, things will only get worse from here, not better. Is she on a lot of medication? Is that what is making her delusional or dementia? Hugs my friend
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are having this experience with your mother. I know from my own experience, how hard it can be. Just a few thoughts for you to consider: Is your mother on any kind of pain medication? We learned with my elderly father that he could not take any strong pain meds as they caused the kinds of delusions that you have described. Elderly people can also experience what is referred to as "sundowners", a syndrome in which their internal clock gets screwed up. They will be calm and lucid during the day and as soon as the sun goes down, get "wired up" and start having delusions. Another thought--could you mother have suffered a stroke, even a small one, that the doctors have not been able to detect? That happened to my mother---she had a couple of small strokes that did not show up on any of the tests they were able to administer. Her doctor, who knew her very well, recognized symptoms. I hope you can get some answers soon and will be able to make a decision for her care that will be what is best for everyone concerned. It is not an easy road.
ReplyDeleteMy mother also had a very low tolerance for pain. A slightly cold object touching her would cause her to yell. It was all real to her, but drove us crazy.
ReplyDeleteThe brain is an interesting thing. While my mother's dementia was not person specific, my aunt's was. She had all kinds of stories and mean behavior to everyone except my mother (and us). Then she cleaned up her act and they always had a good visit. I can speculate on a lot of reasons for that but who really knows.
I know it is a small consolation when you have had no sleep and you're in the turmoil that you are, but be glad that at least so far, your mother has not broken anything. Every fall that my mother had, she broke something. And with that trauma, her dementia got worse.
I hope you find 24 hour care soon for your mother whether it be in her home or in a facility.
Her pain is very real to her.
ReplyDeleteAs her delusions are to you and your sister. How fascinating that she can just slip in and out of them. I wonder whether the same was true of my often delusional mama.
Look after yourself as best you can - and good luck.
Oh Anne I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My dad, who was an absolute teddy bear in "real" life, could be REALLY nasty to my mom and my sister and then sweet as pie to anyone else. I'm glad at least that you can hire carers to get some kind of relief. Shame about you and the hubs though!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about you leaving your husband. The yard guy is lucky, however! ;-)
ReplyDeleteReally though, sending good thoughts to you & hoping there is a solution that will provide your mom with the support she needs at this time, will helping you & your sister survive with your sanity. Hugs.
(((HUGS))) Anne, and some more (((HUGS))) to share with your sister! Too bad about you leaving your husband and children and stealing her furniture! My mother, too, used to say I've changed the house completely around, that the rooms have been switched around, and, one time, she told my cousin that she was hiding in the aisles of the grocery store (she was at home). She had sundowners, but, she slept at night, although, one time, she was sleep walking and telling my daughter to open the front door because I was outside wanting to come in (I was sleeping in my bed!)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about not commenting on our blogs. You take care of yourself and you Mom. Hope you'll be able to get her the 24 hour care she seems to be needing.
No need to apologize for anything. Sending hugs!
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of this kind of delusion, it's very interesting though I'm sure it's just plain old distressing for you.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how awful it is. Do what you need to do, guilt free. It's becoming a matter of her safety and your sanity. You have my best wishes, useless as they are
🙄
Grab the moments of joy and laughter you can through this. It's a hard season of life for sure. Glad you got some outside help too.
ReplyDeleteBreak it to Armando gently, ok? lolz
Anne this is the very behavior my mother had before she went. The falling, the crying out in pain. I am sorry you are going through this and I hope you can get some rest.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs! This must be hard for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Anne, I'm so sorry. It must be extremely hard for you to see your mom in this condition.
ReplyDeleteHugs xx
You have my sympathies, this is not an easy time. It may sound sneaky but we had my Dad assessed by a psychiatrist when he was in one of his less lucid states. The doctor determined he should no longer be at home, and it made it much easier to get him placed in a nursing home. Dad was very angry with me in particular but within 6 months he was happy to be in the home. In fact, he told my cousin "it's a pretty good place, they'll even wipe your bum for you." Sometimes you just have to laugh.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, and hoping that the situation is resolved soon. The stress can get to be too much.
Oh boy, I am sorry for you having to go through that (even though I did giggle at the stories a couple of times!) Don't worry about commenting but keep reading if it's what helps you stay sane during these hard times. :o)
ReplyDeleteTania
You take care of your Mother and don't worry about responding to our blogs. We will be here when you get back. I hope she is doing well.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Having worked in a nursing home with a lot of delusional people, I don't remember any who went from delusion to lucidity and back just like that. It's interesting that the caregiver says she's calmer until she sees you and her sister. What's up, Mom? As far as the yardman is concerned, you really should give him back to his wife. It was difficult to get family stories out of my mom, but she did tell me about a relative who left her husband to run away with the milkman. Mother said that no one ever talked to her again. So you see what will happen if you carry on with the yardman.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Love,
Janie
Sorry I doubled the Love, Janie, but the story about you and the yardman is so interesting that it distracted me from what I was writing. What is it about him that you find so appealing? Does he have a really big . . . shovel or hoe or rake or what? What is it?
DeleteI'm so very sorry for everything you're going through. It must be so hard to watch your mother's health decline. Sending you a warm hug.
ReplyDelete