August was a complete bust for me, both with meal planning and also my list of things I hope to accomplish monthly. Mom fell 4 different times and in the course of 48 hours we went from having daytime help to 12 hour care to round the clock caregivers at her home. Even though we have 24 hour care, we have spent hours daily with her as well as taking her to various doctors. I am pretty sure she is at the end of her life, but she is not giving in at all and is still capable of making my beloved sister and I feel tremendous guilt for whatever sleights she imagines. In addition she wants to be consulted about every single decision, which we do but she promptly forgets, then becomes angry at us for not consulting her. It is a vicious and wearing cycle.
She still believes we have created a duplicate of her home, including managing to replicate several items (sculptures and original art work) which are one of a kind. We have also managed to find a lot with a creek exactly like the one in her back yard as well as moving her neighbors houses close to her "imposter" home.
She told me she knows it is not her house because her father told her it was not her real home. I did tell her Papa would never tell her that because it would be a lie and he would never lie to her. (The fact that he died in 1975 does not seem to factor into her belief about what he told her about the house.)
After being at her house most days for 7 or 8 hours, (broken hours at various times throughout the morning, day and night) I am not worried about meal planning. We are eating whatever I can grab and make in one pan, or some take out. I am declaring it good enough. Plus chocolate, lots of chocolate and an occasional hot Krispy Kreme. (I have got to get back on Keto tomorrow, yeah tomorrow sounds good!)
Hopefully I can establish some sort of normalcy (even if it is a new normal) for September and at least read a bit. Right now I am reading a book and have read the same 2 pages about 30 times. If you are at Mom's that is about all you can read between tending to her needs, so I read them then reread them over and over. Appropriately the book I am reading is titled Hell.
Have a fun Labor Day if it is at all possible!
She still believes we have created a duplicate of her home, including managing to replicate several items (sculptures and original art work) which are one of a kind. We have also managed to find a lot with a creek exactly like the one in her back yard as well as moving her neighbors houses close to her "imposter" home.
She told me she knows it is not her house because her father told her it was not her real home. I did tell her Papa would never tell her that because it would be a lie and he would never lie to her. (The fact that he died in 1975 does not seem to factor into her belief about what he told her about the house.)
After being at her house most days for 7 or 8 hours, (broken hours at various times throughout the morning, day and night) I am not worried about meal planning. We are eating whatever I can grab and make in one pan, or some take out. I am declaring it good enough. Plus chocolate, lots of chocolate and an occasional hot Krispy Kreme. (I have got to get back on Keto tomorrow, yeah tomorrow sounds good!)
Hopefully I can establish some sort of normalcy (even if it is a new normal) for September and at least read a bit. Right now I am reading a book and have read the same 2 pages about 30 times. If you are at Mom's that is about all you can read between tending to her needs, so I read them then reread them over and over. Appropriately the book I am reading is titled Hell.
Have a fun Labor Day if it is at all possible!
Just getting through this, however ya'll can with your sanity intact, will be enough. ;-)
ReplyDeleteSanity? I feel like Ed, the looney hyena from The Lion King
DeleteYou are so right, at this point just feeding yourselves are the priority, meal planning and keto be damned. There is a time and place for that.
ReplyDeleteI am trying and TheHub is a great procurer of take out
DeleteIt must be very difficult. Sending you good vibes from accross the ocean and then some. May the force, patience and strength be with you.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard on me but much harder on her, because she does not understand that she can no longer do things by herself. (Like sit up in bed or go to the bathroom or walk)
DeleteThat's a really strong illusion that your mom is believing isn't it. About the house being duplicated and all. Poor lady, and poor you. And yep whatever you can grab to eat sounds good enough doesn't it.
ReplyDeleteYes things grabbed are as good as it is going to get right now. It is amazing how quickly I can grab chocolate though!
DeleteNow is the time for coping as best as you can. Don't worry about what is not getting done, because those things will wait. I know it is hard; I am praying for you and your family. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Bless. Prayers are needed and much appreciated.
DeleteDo whatever you need to do. For you, and for your mama.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
I am trying to be there and do what I can for Mom. When she accuses me of hating her for sending her to "this place" it breaks my heart.
DeleteShe may not be at the end of her life, just at the end of her lucid life. Do you have time to print out what you just told her? She might just deny you ever gave it to her! My grandmother lived many years not even knowing my mother, which broke my mother's heart. The last time my mother saw her, she called my mother by name. It is so sad the things you are having to go through.
ReplyDeleteHer body is breaking down and we can see it day to day. But she is not going down without a fight!
DeleteWell, I am not there to see and judge, so I will take your word for it. It is better to have spunk but hard on you.
DeleteMy mom cared for her mom for a short period before she entered the nursing home. Being able to keep a sad sense of humor helped. She called me one night telling me that when she leaned over my grandma she had looked her straight in the eyes and said "who are you?". In a few minutes when my mom walked out down the hall she heard grandma yell out "Joyce (her name) get me .......". My mom joked "she sure seems to know my name when she wants something". my Grandma was lucky staying in her home till 98, passing away at 991/2.
ReplyDeleteI am laughing right now. Tonight I was literally lifting Mom off the toilet so I could stand her upright to pull up her underwear. As I bent down she said "My God when did your hair get so much gray in it" She is unsure who I am and has no idea where she is but by damn she noticed I have not colored my hair lately.
DeleteThank you so very much Jean. It will get better and I know I will miss al of this before too long.
ReplyDeleteThis must be so hard for you. Glad to know she has 24 hour care now.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard emotionally, but there are funny moments as well.
DeleteAnne, I can so relate to the issues with your mom. My mom is going to be 91 this month and is in an assisted living facility. Unfortunately, I don't have any other relatives around to take a turn with the medical visits that have been required over the past week and those that are coming up. I am at my wits end trying to take care of her, myself, the hubs and work. Cooking and cleaning are basically on hold. Thank you for being real with your blog :) You give me hope.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest this is so much harder than I ever thought it would be, and we do have the resources (thanks Dad for your planning) to have the help she needs, but we are both at her house multi times during the day for extended visits. I am able to sleep in my own bed most nights (there have been a few nights I have stayed because Mom is in panic mode and it is just easier to be there than to have her upset) and her primary daytime caregiver is probably the finest person I have ever met, so we are very lucky. I have been to doctors 5 times in the last week. I gets old and hard for both me and mother.
DeleteThe falls will get you, You just have to laugh at the funny moments and remember that you and your sister would not be the wonderful people you are without your mom. She was not always like this.Hold on honey.
ReplyDeleteWe are laughing as much and as often as we can.
DeleteSending good thoughts and prayers for you and your Mom, Anne.
ReplyDeleteThank you Belinda! Both are much appreciated.
DeleteOh, I feel for you. It isn't an easy period for you, your sister, and your mom. I'm glad you can find the humour in the moments. Your focus is on the right priorities and one day those will shift again.
ReplyDeleteI know the impermanence of this, and I know there will be a time when I would do anything for just one more day with Mom
DeleteThat is so hard. I read in hard times too. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI read and I bake. Those are my self soothers, along with chocolate so I try to bake something chocolate!
DeleteYou must be so tired. I dealt with a lot of delusions when I worked in a nursing home. X was also delusional at times. It really is exhausting.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Today I hit a wall, came home and fell asleep sitting upright in a breakfast room straight chair. I am headed to bed in about 10 minutes and dare anyone to as much as whisper my name until my alarm goes off.
DeleteHugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much!
DeleteMost definitely not a time to worry about meal planning. I hope you are able to get rest your self. It is hard to be in the vicious circles. Try not to feel guilty. You are doing so much to try and keep her calm and included despite the challenges.
ReplyDeleteMom piles the guilt on me every day. I am at her house every morning at 7, and the first thing she asks me each day is why do I hate her so much that I have put her in this place. When I tell her she is at home and has lived in her house since 1968 she tells me I am lying and just being cruel to her.
DeleteI’m sorry you’re going through this.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard but it also is what it is. I am a big girl and will live through it.
DeleteYou've got a much harder row to hoe than most at the moment. Sorry you have to endure this. Sounds like you're doing the best you can.
ReplyDeleteI am probably not doing my best since I believe we can always do better, but I am close to hitting a wall and am going to have to let some things go, trust that the caregivers are taking care of mom (all signs say they are excellent) and take back a little of the time I am spending at her house. Mom is much kinder to them than she is to my sister and me.
Delete