As my usual intro for this post goes, so does this one. I try to catalog my joys each day. My plan is to sit down on New Year's Eve and read each post to see how joyful every day could be if I just looked for the things that brough smiles and happiness. This is my list for the 10th week of the year.
Wednesday: After having Mom in the ER for hours I was overjoyed she was released to go home. I was equally overjoyed that the ER doc issued a request for medical transport back to her house. She was totally unwilling to walk or sit because of the pain. Her tolerance level to discomfort is very low and she even yells and winces when the blood pressure cuff inflates. Before we left she was given an infusion for pain, got home, drank a little water then went to sleep and slept through the night. Another joy!
Thursday: Son3 and DIL3 flew in from New York for a long weekend. We have not seen them since June so it was a great joy for them to be here. Later Son2 and DIL2 came over for dinner also and we had a lot of conversations and laughter. We do have a hard and fast family rule though, no discussions of politics or religion during mealtime so we mainly talk about the funny or embarrassing things we have all done. I think focusing on laughter is critical!
Friday: Late Thursday night Son3 and I went to Mom's house to put the alarm pad on her bed. Though not comatose she was almost lifeless, lying in her bed and unable to speak above a whisper. Son3 was very upset and so was I. It is the worst I have seen yet. I even slept with my phone in my bed just in case the overnight care giver called to tell me to get down there immediately.
What a surprise when I went to her house the next morning. She not only was up and talking, (from about 2 am through 7) but she was fighting mad because things were not going her way. So my joy would be not getting a call during the middle of the night that something had happened, and of course having our visitors
Saturday: We are taking the Corona virus precautions, but I do think it is funny that people are learning the need for hand washing. I am a hand washer and wash mine all the time, but will also admit I keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse 100 % of the time. Who would have thought hand sanitizer would become an almost black market commodity? I have been unable to find any but did find a "recipe" for some DIY stuff. My joy was rather simple this day. TheHub and I went to Sprouts where we found plenty of aloe vera gel, as well as a couple of small bottles of hand sanitizer. It's the simple things in life, right?
Oh yes, I almost forgot a huge joy. Son3 and DIL3 need a bigger apartment so they had looked at a few before leaving town. While they were here Saturday, they got a call that they were approved for one. I forget that in NYC you don't just rent a place, but you have to provide personal details about your life and career then be approved by the board. I guess they were deemed acceptable!
Sunday: We were able to have a nice little pre-birthday party for Mom. It was TheHub, me, Sons 2 and 3, DILs 2 and 3, My Beloved Sister, BIL, Mom and her sitter. Mom seemed to know what was going on and enjoyed everyone being there, even though she could not really follow conversations. Son3 played the piano while DIL3 sang. Mom even got up for a minute and "danced" with DIL2. It was the best gift anyone could ever give her.
Monday: The visiting duo flew back Monday evening and the visit was a huge success. We loved having them here. TheHub and I ate Chinese leftovers, put on seriously soft clothes and socked in for the night for some serious tv watching. I think we watched 3 episodes of Hunters, a new Amazon original series. The first episode made no real sense to me but by the second one it turned into a series with a lot of potential. I think we are really going to enjoy it.
Tuesday: It looked like Mom might have suffered a TIA overnight. As the day progressed it seemed less and less likely that it happened and most likely she had just slept funny and her face was kind of crinkled from an odd sleeping position. My joy was that she was doing OK until later in the night when I got a call from the caregiver that she was being combative. She is on waiting lists for several places but we are even considering some less than stellar nursing homes now.
I am sure there were more joys but I wrote this after the company was gone so I am positive I left out a lot. I hope everyone reading this found joy somewhere in their week. Cheers for an excellent week 11!
Wednesday: After having Mom in the ER for hours I was overjoyed she was released to go home. I was equally overjoyed that the ER doc issued a request for medical transport back to her house. She was totally unwilling to walk or sit because of the pain. Her tolerance level to discomfort is very low and she even yells and winces when the blood pressure cuff inflates. Before we left she was given an infusion for pain, got home, drank a little water then went to sleep and slept through the night. Another joy!
Thursday: Son3 and DIL3 flew in from New York for a long weekend. We have not seen them since June so it was a great joy for them to be here. Later Son2 and DIL2 came over for dinner also and we had a lot of conversations and laughter. We do have a hard and fast family rule though, no discussions of politics or religion during mealtime so we mainly talk about the funny or embarrassing things we have all done. I think focusing on laughter is critical!
Friday: Late Thursday night Son3 and I went to Mom's house to put the alarm pad on her bed. Though not comatose she was almost lifeless, lying in her bed and unable to speak above a whisper. Son3 was very upset and so was I. It is the worst I have seen yet. I even slept with my phone in my bed just in case the overnight care giver called to tell me to get down there immediately.
What a surprise when I went to her house the next morning. She not only was up and talking, (from about 2 am through 7) but she was fighting mad because things were not going her way. So my joy would be not getting a call during the middle of the night that something had happened, and of course having our visitors
Saturday: We are taking the Corona virus precautions, but I do think it is funny that people are learning the need for hand washing. I am a hand washer and wash mine all the time, but will also admit I keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse 100 % of the time. Who would have thought hand sanitizer would become an almost black market commodity? I have been unable to find any but did find a "recipe" for some DIY stuff. My joy was rather simple this day. TheHub and I went to Sprouts where we found plenty of aloe vera gel, as well as a couple of small bottles of hand sanitizer. It's the simple things in life, right?
Oh yes, I almost forgot a huge joy. Son3 and DIL3 need a bigger apartment so they had looked at a few before leaving town. While they were here Saturday, they got a call that they were approved for one. I forget that in NYC you don't just rent a place, but you have to provide personal details about your life and career then be approved by the board. I guess they were deemed acceptable!
Sunday: We were able to have a nice little pre-birthday party for Mom. It was TheHub, me, Sons 2 and 3, DILs 2 and 3, My Beloved Sister, BIL, Mom and her sitter. Mom seemed to know what was going on and enjoyed everyone being there, even though she could not really follow conversations. Son3 played the piano while DIL3 sang. Mom even got up for a minute and "danced" with DIL2. It was the best gift anyone could ever give her.
Monday: The visiting duo flew back Monday evening and the visit was a huge success. We loved having them here. TheHub and I ate Chinese leftovers, put on seriously soft clothes and socked in for the night for some serious tv watching. I think we watched 3 episodes of Hunters, a new Amazon original series. The first episode made no real sense to me but by the second one it turned into a series with a lot of potential. I think we are really going to enjoy it.
Tuesday: It looked like Mom might have suffered a TIA overnight. As the day progressed it seemed less and less likely that it happened and most likely she had just slept funny and her face was kind of crinkled from an odd sleeping position. My joy was that she was doing OK until later in the night when I got a call from the caregiver that she was being combative. She is on waiting lists for several places but we are even considering some less than stellar nursing homes now.
I am sure there were more joys but I wrote this after the company was gone so I am positive I left out a lot. I hope everyone reading this found joy somewhere in their week. Cheers for an excellent week 11!
I was happy to read your list of joys, this week, Anne. Even though there were some worrying moments with your mom mixed in, you still found things that brought you joy. :)
ReplyDeleteWorrying moments are just a fact of my daily life for the moment. I am still looking daily for things that are really good and they are always out there!
DeleteLove your list of joys. And thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteHand sanitiser is a behind the counter item here at the moment. And toilet paper still unobtainable. My joy is that I managed to order some, and it arrived today. I was not looking forward to finding alternatives - though one of our sillier politicians had been talking about the use of eucalpyt leaves. She is welcome. I would rather not.
And I have been getting joy (and a lot of giggles) from the stellar contributions to Words for Wednesday. Thank you for joining us.
DeleteI hope we do not have to resort to using leaves! I prefer good old fashioned hand washing but I do use the sanitizer for in between uses and now I am applying it each time I get back in the car, including wiping down the steering wheel and gear shift knob
DeleteI am really enjoying the writing challenge and love seeing how the same words speak so differently to each person.
DeleteI am wishing you the best of luck in finding a space in a good long-term care facility as soon as possible. My mother still has aggressive episodes. She loves her therapy robotic cat, but when she is in one of these combative episodes, she wants nothing to do with anything or anyone. Since she is capable of striking out at staff and patients alike, she is best kept safely in her room during her outrage with many more staff members to supervise her safety. I am amazed that you are able to find these joyful moments throughout the days to help you through these stressful times. I am sure some days are more difficult than others, but you are managing well.
ReplyDeleteSome days are difficult but there is always something good. I had always heard this was more difficult on the care givers than the patients but it hurts my heart to see how distressed Mom get because she knows something is wrong but can't connect the dots to know what it is.
DeleteLet me tell you, I have had blood pressure cuffs that hurt so bad. Once, the woman had it around my elbow for some reason and I jumped and shrieked and embarrassed myself. My grandmother who was the escape artist could get combative, too. And, she liked to "dance" on occasion. That made us children very happy.
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful to hear about Mom dancing and DIL3 thought to video it.
DeleteSo glad that you had some joys. It is exhausting dealing with your Mom right now but soon you shall get more of your life back. I hope something comes through soon for a decent home. I am taking my daily joy from little things...watching an old (1950s) horror movie with hubby, laughing with my Mom when she tried to throw her gum in the garbage (2 feet) and not even getting it 1/2 a foot - apparently she needs to use her little weights for upper body strength lol. Also my cuddly dog who is oblivious to the world concerns and gives us so much joy every single day.
ReplyDeleteDogs are the best!
DeleteI think being able to laugh is critical for mental health. I think what hurts is to know I have already lost my mom. This person who occupies her body is only on rare occasions the same mother I used to have.
Oh I'm so sorry for what's going on with your mom. I can only hope that you get a decent place for her as soon as possible as you/she really can't go on like this can she? I'm sorry for you and for her.
ReplyDeleteAs long as her sitters can put up with her behavior, we are good. I just don't know how much longer they will stay. Two of them are fabulous with her, one tolerates her bad times and the other is not as good with the outbursts.
DeleteThis is so hard, I dread you having to put her in a home. This is crass but at this point in the game I started to actually argue and chastise the lord in my prayers to take my mother. She was suffering, I was suffering. I did not want her to have to go to a facility. I wish there was something I could do to help you.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing to do but ride this ride. I hate it for Mom because she knows she is compromised most of the time, until she sundowns, and then all hell breaks loose with her.
DeleteAs you know, you are at a very difficult time in your life and looking for joys is one of the ways you're going to survive. I'm happy that you've got your sister to share things with. My sisters and I were great supporters for each other as we dealt with the years of parent decline.
ReplyDeleteIt is so much harder seeing Mom like she is now. She enjoys nothing, which is so unlike her personality.
ReplyDeleteI've always carried a tube of hand sanitizer. Have all these people never bothered to wash their hands before? I know it has to be difficult with your mom. I send love and prayers to you and the rest of the family. You are a good daughter.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
I am amazed that people are just finding the necessity of hand washing
DeleteI cringe when I get the blood pressure cuff,
ReplyDeleteToo!
I guess I am kind of stoic. It does not bother me at all
DeleteOh, it sounds like a wonderful was had with your mom and family. I hope you're able to find a good care home for her so that the worries will be lessened.
ReplyDeleteWhatever happens is going to happen. I just wish Mom could find even an ounce of happiness.
Delete