Tears and Joys for Week 19 of 2020

The nineteenth week of the year began with extreme shock and sadness. It is my intent to look backward at the year's end and read about the joy I experience every single day.  I  am still looking for it, but for the most part the days this past week were not  happy. Even so , I still found small joys each day.

Wednesday: My joy for the day was through tears. Mom was in bad shape, and we knew the end was near, but we certainly did not expect to be called twice in 30 minutes. Once to say she was going to be released in a few minutes and another to tell us she was gone. My joy is that she was reunited with Dad, who was her love, her rock, and her other half. My hope is that they are dancing again.

Thursday: I woke at 5 and immediately started going over the "should haves" I should have checked Mom out of the hospital a day early, just to see her, hug her and tell her I loved her again. The guilt of having her in the hospital and being unable to see her was overwhelming and I spent about 5 hours crying for her life ending without us by her side. I would never have chosen that for her.
Later my sister and I met at Mom's to clean her refrigerator and to write her obituary. While we were there one of her neighbors saw our cars and stopped in. We enjoyed talking, reminiscing and laughing with Cathy. Her visit was a true and much needed gift.

Friday: My sons always keep in touch with each other, but with Mom's death they are talking even more. Friday night DIL3 organized a Zoom painting party. Everyone got their favorite paints, canvas (or in my case copier paper) and had to paint a picture using one of five word prompts. For my prompt I chose "formal" and painted a picture of a dream my sister had the night prior to Mom's transition.  It was very cathartic. Additionally it was wonderful to see and hear them all painting and talking, then sharing their art. Pip won the prize for the most painting done in the hour. I think she finished 6 or 7.

Saturday: My sister, Son2 and I went to Mom's and cleaned out her pantry, then we walked through the house and shared stories about some of the particular items in it. We are going to have a lot of work to do to clean it out. I did bring one particular item I wanted home with me. When we were kids "The Wizard of Oz" came on only once a year. Every WOO night my dad made fudge and he always poured it on a platter that we called the fudge plate. It is now in my kitchen and some day I will watch it with Pip, make her some fudge, and tell her about her great grandfather making it for me when I was her age.

Sunday: We had streaming church services, followed by a Webex Sunday school class, then we went to the lake to do a bit of cleaning and yard work. The cleaning and yard work were not joyous but it needed to be done. I avoided everything Mother's Day related like the plague (or Covid)

Monday: It was a beautiful coolish day. I felt like doing nothing but eventually made myself go dig in the dirt (translation:pull weeds) and it did make me feel better.

Tuesday: I spent about 6 hours at Mom's house first going through all the shelves and drawers in her sewing room. Goodness she had a lot of stuff. And now one room is almost ready, though I did not get to the closet yet. I had tow big joys while working there. I found some pictures that had been misplaced since Dad's funeral nearly 5 years ago. I also sorted through her button box (she had thousands) and found 2 sets of buttons I have always loved. One set was on a dress she wore as a young girl. The other was from a blouse she wore when I was a very young kid. If my sister does not want them I will make something and use them.