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Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Just Clearing Things Up

I do not normally copy and paste someone else's work. But this is important and needs to be read


From Sean Dietrich AKA Sean of the South

I don’t engage in controversy. But sometimes I have to. And this is one of those have-to moments.

Namely, because I feel it’s my duty as a citizen of this country to bring important matters to the forefront of a national discussion. And by “important matters,” I am, of course, talking about putting sugar in cornbread.

The other day I was reading one of my mother’s favorite magazines. This magazine is a respected publication. A standard in homes across the southeast.

I speak of a magazine which my mother reveres. She used to read this magazine aloud at Bible studies, baby christenings and baptisms. A periodical which shall remain nameless, but whose title rhymes with “Louthern Siving.”

The article stated, quote, “…The cornbread we consider our best, includes fine yellow cornmeal, butter, and a touch of sugar.”

I read this recipe aloud to my mother. My mother nearly choked on her dentures.

“Sugar in cornbread?” she gasped. “What’s this world coming to?”

Mama had to be calmed with cream cheese and pepper jelly.

Listen. I don’t like to cause problems, and these are only my opinions, but putting sugar in cornbread is a lot like going to church naked. Sure, it can be done. But don’t expect anyone to ask you over for dinner.

Cornbread is a sacrament to my people, often served with fried chicken, pintos, collards, hocks and greens, or stew. It is a savory dish. It’s not supposed to taste like purple Skittles.

If the good Lord had intended for humankind to eat sweet cornbread, he would have given us all insulin pumps.

And yet this problem persists in America.

Only a few days ago, I visited a restaurant in Franklin, Tennessee. It was one of those fancy joints where waiters and waitresses walk like they’re in need of fiber supplementation. The waitress brought me a hot basket of sweet cornbread.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” I said to the waitress. “There’s something wrong with my cornbread.”

“What’s wrong?” she said.

“Well, I think the chef spilled a box of Duncan Hines into the batter.”

“No, sir. We put sugar in our cornbread.”

“Why would you do such a thing?”

“Because our chef is from Chicago.”

For the love of Earnhardt.

Listen, I try to be a team player. I try to be a good person. I don’t have many overdue library books. I stay at the Holiday Inn Express when possible. But this is an affront.

The church ladies I descend from take their food very seriously.

When I was 6 years old, for example, Miss Henrietta Marcel, at the Baptist church, accused my grandmother of adding too much paprika to her deviled eggs.

After church, someone mysteriously slashed the tires to Miss Henrietta’s Buick. Nobody ever figured out who did it, but a jar of paprika was found wedged in her the exhaust pipe.

And while I’m on the subject of food, there is another item I’d like to bring to public attention.

Yesterday I went to a large chain restaurant which shall remain nameless but whose name rhymes with “International House of Pancakes.” I ordered country fried steak. When my food arrived something was off.

My steak came with white gravy.

Too often, restaurants mislabel “chicken fried” steaks as “country fried” steaks. And while I love both kinds of steaks, to confuse “chicken fried” and “country fried” is a lot like confusing Brigitte Bardot with Eleanor Roosevelt.

So I called my aunt Muffin for advice and asked her to weigh in on the “chicken fried” versus “country fried” dispute.

Aunt Muffin is an excellent cook. And not to brag, but my aunt Muffin’s fried fare is so legendary she was recently kicked out of the American Heart Association.

“What’s the difference between chicken fried and country fried?” I asked her.

Aunt Muffin was happy to reply.

“Chicken fried steak is a quality cut of beef, THICK battered, fried, topped with WHITE gravy and prayed over by at least three Church of Christ parishioners.”

Whereas, according to Aunt Muffin, “country fried” steak is made with cheaper cuts, THINLY battered, then topped with BROWN gravy, and in her opinion, unfit for scrubbing oil stains off driveways.

Now, I realize all this chicken-fried business might sound like splitting hairs. But among my folks the art of frying is sacred. Aunt Muffin went on to tell me there are four distinct styles of culinary frying.

There is “deep frying,” which is what KFC does; “pan frying,” or “shallow frying,” which is how you cook pork chops; “smother frying,” the only way to cook squirrel, rabbit, or quail; and “hell frying.”

Which is what happens to all people who put sugar in their cornbread.

42 comments:

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    1. It should be working now. Had a glitch in the first try

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  2. Funny, I love cornbread and will eat the whole dang pan. I do not like those jiffy mixes as way too much sugar. But I must say my recipe does call for 2 tbls of sugar. I am now not allowed to sing in your choir.

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    1. The 2 tablespoons, though not a lot, does leave you suspect.

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  3. Alas, my family is a house divided on the cornbread issue. My mother would have worn white shoes after Labor Day before she put sugar in her cornbread. However, I was always a wayward child and when I tasted the forbidden fruit (aka sweet cornbread) my mother-in-law made, I made a bee-line for the dark side and never looked back. These days, my daughter makes cornbread without sugar just like her Nana and I make it sweet. The main thing is, we both cheer for the same college football teams. After all, some things are just too sacred be divided on!

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    1. Funny! And you are correct about the sacredness of pulling for the same team.

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  4. Too funny!!..guess I'm not southern enough as I add sugar to my cornbread since that is the way my husband likes it...uh huh uh huh...
    But my Mama never put sugar in her cornbread, and it had to be baked in her cast iron pan which I now use for my sugary corn bread which I am going to make tonight to go with my chili. :D

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  5. I'm Southern enough to understand this and Northern enough to not care. ;-)

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  6. I understand but I suspect I would understand on a whole other level if I was Southern :)

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    1. Well there are things that are just wrong and the sugar in cornbread is one of the most egregious

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  7. Too funny! I didn't like corn bread for the longest time - I had it plain, with cheese in it, with jalapeno peppers in it, but, I didn't like it. But then, I tried the "corn bread muffin" recipe on the side of the box of corn meal and loved it! That's the only version I will make now! But, then, I'm South Asian, not Southern! :D

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    1. Being from a different continent does allow you some amount of grace. Not a lot, but some!

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  8. This is hysterical but I can hear how serious you are. I’m a Californian with Tennessee roots through my dad. We always used white cornmeal and no sugar! Dad made sure I knew how to make certain things - and I still own their ancient cast iron skillets and 1 Dutch oven!

    As for chicken fried vs country fried - I didn’t know any of that. I do make a good “mess of beans” and my pan gravy is pretty darn good for a Californian!



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    1. If you make a mess of beans and cook your cornbread in cast iron you get two thumbs up from me.

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  9. Absolutely hilarious! I can assure I've never put sugar in cornbread...because I've never made cornbread. But if I every do, I'll be sure to heed this warning. :)

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  10. I've never made cornbread. I'm not a fan of it either way, sweet or not, and sure don't get eating it with chili! Well ok, I don't get eating it.

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    1. I am just going to pretend I did not see the last sentence!

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  11. Hilarious. Does posting it earn back your Southern Card?

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I think so. Well, posting it and finding my cornmeal in the back of the freezer restores it.

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  12. As Mark Twain said, "There's nothing as good as Southern cornbread and nothing so bad as the Northern imitation!" Enough said!

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    1. I hollered when I read this and it is so true…. Cindy in the South

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    2. There is a line from a movie about the changes in the south that I sometimes paraphrase (I forget the name of the movie) "One day you're gonna wake up and your cornbread will be sweet and your tea ain't"

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  13. I shouted “Glory Be and AMEN” when I read this…..Lol. I will eat both types of cornbread tho (looks around to make sure my ancestors don’t snatch me up and check my DNA)…..Cindy in the South

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    1. I can think of nothing to say except "oh my" when I read that you will eat both.

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  14. Oh man, I am from New Jersey and had no idea….I put sugar in cornbread. Now I will be on a quest for a recipe without sugar, Thank you! I had no idea there was such a rule of the universe ;). Off I go to Google. Hilogene in Az.

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    1. I will post my tried and true (over 3 generations of cooks) recipe

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  15. Nope. If it's not sweet, I'm dousing with maple syrup. I'm a damn Yankee through and through I guess, and I may burn in country fried steak he'll.

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  16. My pall of ignorance is a little lighter tonight.

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    1. To keep the world spinning on it's axis, I felt obliged to set this straight.

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  17. Not sure if I ever had a southern cornbread..well, I basically don't eat corn...MEAT is my best friend :-)

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  18. It is blasphemy to put sugar in cornbread. The first time I tasted it with sugar, I was an adult and it was the worst thing I have ever eaten. This article needed to be reposted here. This needed to be said.

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  19. I don't mind sugar in my cornbread, but my mother was definitely of the southern mindset. She'd always say if she wanted sugar in her cornbread, she would have ordered cake.

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  20. Meh. Nothing to see there. I'm from New England, though, so just try and come at me with tomatoes in clam chowder, I dare you.

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